Well, it’s been a few weeks since I’ve updated the site… and, I have to admit, one of the primary reasons for this is a new 46″ LCD television that is currently gracing my living room. It’s a 120 Hz full 1080p Sony XBR5… which, for all you non-techie people, means that it’s a serious fucking badass…
Now, I had a good television before I bought my new LCD… in much the same way that a Ferrari owner had reliable transportation before they bought an Italian supercar. It’s a whole new level, and it will suck you into a television-watching void that makes your love affair with Tivo seem like a one night stand with a fat chick. You see, Tivo was about watching what you wanted, when you wanted. High definition is so fucking beautiful that it doesn’t matter what you’re watching. I can put Discovery Channel HD Theather on at any time of the day and be immediately roped in. “Oooh, look! Ants fucking! I can totally see the ant’s tiny little pecker — that’s awesome!!“ And if sports are on, forget it. No man can resist this. My house could have burst into flame during the Cowboys / Giants game and the firefighters would have found my charred remains holding a remote control…
… but the gods of television didn’t stop with stunning clarity… oh, no… that wasn’t enough. They added Dolby 5.1 surround sound to go with it. I happen to have a very capable sound system… and this, for me, transformed high definition from cocaine into crack. No casual usage, no denial, no intervention from family or friends… bam. I’m hooked, I need another hit, here’s all my money. I want all the high-def channels. I want the movie channels too GODDAMN IT! I don’t give a shit if Cinemax is $12 a month, did you hear me motherfucker?! ALL OF THEM!!
… and then, when ants fucking just doesn’t cut it anymore, you start flipping through your newly added channels and you realize something. Cinemax shows a lot of T&A after dark. And now it’s in high-def.
Holy Mother of Kleenex, I have found Mecca.
Seeing boobies in high-def is like finding your father’s Playboy collection when you were fourteen. In one accidental evening, years of fascination with the bra section of the Sears catalog are replaced with something much, much more interesting. The find is a revelation — of course there was something better! This was right under my nose — why the hell didn’t I find this earlier!? The only difference is that, unlike a magazine, you can’t shove the experience into a backpack and show it off to your friends… and there’s really no way to describe it. You’re either in the know, or you’re one of the mindless masses that will someday reach enlightenment. Say “channel 184” to any guy on the street and you’ll either get a blank stare, or a wink and a nod…
There is a show I’ve run across called ‘Sunrise Earth’, which is a full hour focused on the riveting drama of the sun coming up. This, my friends, is but one step away from watching grass grow… but it just goes to show how mesmerizing high definition can really be. It can make the mundane interesting, and it can take stuff like chicks with guns and helicopter crashes to a previously unfathomable level of kick-assness. There are even high-def gaming systems available from Microsoft and Sony, but these are toys that I have purposely stayed away from. The day I buy a Playstation 3 is the same day my productive life comes to an abrupt and tragic end…
High definition television. In the immortal words of Ferris Beuller, “It is so choice. If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up.” Well spoken, Ferris. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some TV to watch…
More to come…
— Bingo